We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are we still banned from the library?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
