Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
