Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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