This girl is more easily done than said...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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