You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
