I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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