If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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