Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
