I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
