at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
