My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
