Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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