his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
