ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize