I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want to fling myself into the sun
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
