You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
