She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
