walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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