I take back everything I said about communal showers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
