i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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