she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
