Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She bit a glass in half.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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