Girls should come with a carfax report
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
