so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
