I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
