weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
