Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They have beer where we have blood.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
