Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize