you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
