The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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