What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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