I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
