i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
