It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
