...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
