just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize