If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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