i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
