i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
