So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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