hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize