i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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