I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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