I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
