You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize