She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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