tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
