So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
