3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
