but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize