similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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