I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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