she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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