Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
