So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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