I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
