I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My penis needs a shock collar
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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