He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize