Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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