watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
