apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
