is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
