wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
